Illusion - July 2010 ; Reality - July 2010 : desist delusion

ive always felt that reality is slightly tilted towards pessimism rather than optimism...the world doesnt revolve around me, so the stars are hardly gonna align themselves for me too often

delusions obviously have no place when one wants to face reality...false facts that are resistant to reason and actual fact...

everyone has some delusions...some more some less....they provide a welcome distraction, some hope when u lack motivation, makes u think that 3 steps later is gonna be just fine (when its not) so that u are more likely to at least take the 1st and 2nd step....ive been reliant on delusions all my life....things that were never likely to happen but while i wasnt 100% sure, dreaming abt it sure gave me a lift...

i was a pro footballer, a pro wrestler...a celeb?!....i got the girl im not supposed to get! ...im the perfect teacher...i never disappt my frens...never made a mistake....never got embarrassed...

the concept of HH is a gimmick almost...given my perpetual facade over many matters, never emo, over-rational, couldnt care less and treating life as way too simple...peeling away the layers of the gimmick leaves behind a constant grappling between delusions and reality and there never is truly a clear winner....i dun want a clear winner usually anyway, life sucks when its all black and white...

so, im hardly a delusional person...im too much of a realist if anything...but for the next few weeks, i need a clear winner...without a shadow of a doubt, without a tinge of ambiguity....

a clear clear winner....

i need reality to guide me in every move n in every thought and to remove delusion absolutely...

or i shall be in trouble...

the battle has begun...